You may have read my previous blog about the top 10 most annoying things you can say to a new parent. Number 5 on that list is “oooh, you’re making a rod for your own back there!”. I heard it SO MANY TIMES. And during those crazy, rollercoaster months as a new mum it REALLY worried me. “Oh my god! I am! She’s going to be needing me to jig her until she’s asleep when she’s 15, oh no!” I’d panic and google EVERYTHING. Honestly, the things I’ve typed into the google search bar…
“is it normal that baby’s won’t be put down…EVER”
“can you die from lack of sleep?”
“how long do baby’s teeth for?”
You get the idea. But I SO wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about those “rods”. Because you know what? Those supposed “rods” saved me….on SO many occasions.
I thought it was about time I gave them the love and praise they deserve, because I don’t regret a single one.
Rod 1 – Letting the babies sleep on my chest
This was possibly the first example of the “rod for my own back” I experienced. You learn it pretty quickly…well if you had babies like mine you do anyway. They do NOT like being put down. Ever. The best place to sleep is with as much contact with mummy or daddy as possible. As soon as you attempt to put them down their little eyes open. I soon realised that the best thing to do was to just let them blooming stay there. You then get enforced relaxation time in front of the telly (with tea and biscuits and the remote control to hand if you’ve been canny enough) and they get their kip. Win win. Yes it got tricky when I had 2 under 2, but that’s when that sling was VERY useful. Do I regret any of those sofa snuggles I had? No I do not. I loved them. In fact part of me longs for those forced sofa head sniffing sessions back! Now they’re pre-schoolers it’d be tricky to get them to sleep on my chest and I miss it.
Rod 2 – Letting my kids have a dummy
OK I’m going to come right out and say it….this is a “rod” that’s still very much propping up my back. My kids are now 2 and 3 and they still have dummies. I KNOW! It’s not ideal. But they only really have them when they’re tired and in bed. Well…the older one does. The younger one….she LOVES hers. Probably a bit too much. But if I could do it all again, would I still let them have dummies? Erm YES! Those dummies have saved mine and their life MANY times. Because they genuinely soothe them and make them feel better. I suppose that’s why they’re called “pacifiers” in the US. Research has shown they quite literally help to reduce symptoms of pain…and my god did I need help with that when my babies were young and colicky. Research also shows that dummies can reduce the chances of SIDS. And on a less serious note…my goodness they’ve been handy to quieten those very loud cries in the supermarket when they’re causing a scene. I know dummies aren’t for everyone (one older lady at a baby group described them as “plastic germ catchers!”, and that’s fine. But I am MORE than grateful for mine, thank you very much.
Rod 3 – Only sleeping in the buggy
My first baby was a terror for this. She graduated from the “only on your chest” phase straight into the “only in a moving buggy” phase. Many suggested I’d live to hate this so I desperately attempted to get her to sleep in her cot instead. Many stress filled days I’d attempt the transfer into the cot, only to have her wake up and SCREAM, meaning I’d miss the nap window all together. It was frustrating having to go out and about and walk with her in the buggy, sometimes in the rain and snow…but it WORKED. It also meant I got out the house and got some exercise, which was great for my mental health. And although it didn’t feel like it at the time, it didn’t last forever. I wish I’d just relaxed and gone with it a bit more.
Rod 4 – The getting to sleep jiggle
For quite a long time the only way I could get my girls to sleep was by rocking and jigging them to sleep and then transferring them to their cots. Was it tiring? Yes. Was it irritating? Yes it was at times. Especially when I was heavily pregnant with my second and my first was just under 1 and needed jiggling A LOT. It hurt my back and made my arms ache. But the alternative was having to hear my baby cry, and that did not sound or feel good. The rock and the jiggle was a technique that was mildly irritating and tiring and often sweaty…but it WORKED. And both of them grew out of it. I no longer have to jiggle them to sleep. It served its purpose for a while and I’m GRATEFUL for the technique!
Rod 5 – The night feeds
Oh the night feeds! This was an approach that was wheeled out regularly in an attempt to settle and make them happy. “What’s needed to get her back to sleep?” I’d think. Was it a nappy? Colic? Too cold? Too hot? Milk! I’ll try milk! And you know what….9 times out of 10 it blooming worked. I’d overhear conversations at baby groups “Oh no, I’ve stopped the night feeds. I had to wean her off with water”. “WATER?!” I’d think. Seriously? I remember trying this when my youngest was about 17 months in an attempt to put an end to the night feed “rod”. I had the bottle of water all prepared and sat by the cot. When the familiar cry at 2am came the water was deployed. I can still picture the look of utter disgust on her face. It was like I’d tried to feed her straight whisky. “WHAT IS THIS?? I did NOT wake you up for blinking WATER, love!” the cry of disgust was not letting up. “Darling! Get me some milk! PLEASE! QUICK!” I shouted to the other half. The night feeds carried on a while. Just long enough for me to get worried by the horror stories of teeth falling out by the time she’s 7 etc etc. Then she just stopped on her own and started SLEEPING. Again, this was a rod that served its purpose and I’m grateful for it.
Rod 6 – Ewan the Dream Sheep
Awww Ewan! Where would we be without you? In our house Ewan is affectionately known as “baa baa”. We bought Ewan in those early, desperate days when our first daughter was just a few days old. She is now nearly 4 and STILL goes to sleep to that familiar lullaby tune. She also shares a room with her 3 year old sister, who now also gets to enjoy the songs of baa baa, despite her opting out at a younger age. There have been times when the rod of Ewan has been a burden. Forgetting him when we go on holiday, for example, spells utter disaster. Or when his batteries run out at a critical time. But if I had to do it all again, would I still have purchased him. HELL YEAH! I have to admit to loving that lullaby tune a bit myself. Popping it on signals the end of another tiring day. It signifies rest and calm, and I’m grateful for that. As far as I’m concerned Ewan can continue as long as they want. I just pray he never breaks, because I’m not sure the latest Ewans still play the same tune!
So there you go, the 6 rods for my back I’m grateful for. What are yours?
Sally Bunkham is the founder of Mum’s Back, who provide new mum hampers focussing on the yummy stuff denied in pregnancy. £1 from every hamper sold goes to PANDAS Foundation.