The Brutal Honesty of Kids….

My kids are the golden ages of 2 and 3. My goodness they are really hard work. But also AMAZING. I just know it’s this time I will look back on in years to come as the “golden era”. The time they were just the cutest. They are also just so brilliantly entertaining. Some of the things they do and come out with right now are just hilarious! I thought I’d compile my favourites. A couple are from the mouths of my own kids and the others are corkers from my lovely community. I hope you enjoy them! Got any to add? I'd LOVE to hear!

  1. OK I will start…My 2 year old whilst jumping on me in the sofa whilst I am rather hungover and in my dressing gown – “Mummy! You are so bouncy! Just like bouncy castle!!” Yeah….thanks kid.
  2. “My friend's 4 year old daughter announced “I've got an itchy Minnie mummy” – in a full dental waiting room😂” – Rachel Buckingham
  3. “My son announced loudly, in a packed cafe, ‘Mummy, I know what the F word is!’ He was only 4 but I calmly (and quietly) asked what that was. He lowered his voice and replied in a strong stage whisper ‘FAGINA’.” – Ruthanne Garrett
  4. “As a small child I announced ‘Mummy your hair is so golden except for that fat brown stripe down the middle'” – Gav Qayin. Ouch, Gav, ouch!
  5. “I was babysitting for my friend and before she went out her kid said ‘Mummy, are you going to be sick and wee in a bucket like last time?’”- Claire Salter. OMG!
  6. “We took our boys to Thailand when they were 5 months and 22 months. Isaac my then 22 month old used to get words and letters muddled and would call doggies ‘goddies’ and many other muddles. We saw some elephants in Thailand and on our return he told many people we encountered that he had seen an elephant with a really big c*nt! (He meant trunk btw)” – Samantha Barfoot. MEGA LOL!
  7. “I was lying in bed trying to settle my 4 year old as he always gets in my bed in the night. I said to him, ‘will you still be getting in Mummy’s bed when you’re 45?’ He looked surprised and said ‘no Mummy, you’ll be dead.’ “- Alice McPalace. BAAAAHA HA HA
  8. “Years ago my then 7 yr old son (who is now nearly leaving school age) handed back an old school stylus for a gameboy that some family friends’ kids had left in the living room as they were leaving and said, “Hey, don't forget your clitoris…!” luckily the girls in question were French and didn't really understand – this was simply the best ever…he will of course never live this down – nor will i let him!” – Sarah Lovesart. Simply brilliant.
  9. “When my eldest was around 2-3 there was the time when he was trying to tell me something and he just couldn’t get to the point. I was sat on the floor and he was stood in front of me. ‘Come on Spike, spit it out’ I said. So he spat in my face.” – Esme Glazebrook. Quite ironic that this nearly made me spit out my coffee!
  10. “Many, many years ago I was doing an interview for radio as part of the Brighton Fringe Festival at a well known gay venue on St James Street. As a single mother I had taken my toddler along in her pushchair. Adorning the walls of this cafe were photos of scantily clad men in angel wings . At the very end of the interview my toddler shouted out in wonder and at the top of her voice ” LOOK MUMMY! THERE'S FAIRIES EVERYWHERE! ” It was a live show. 😁” – Ethel Sparrowhawk. Loving this SO much!
  11. “My 4 year old came out with ‘why has granddads face melted? Is it coz he's old'” – Sam Magic-Lee. Ooops!
  12. My friend's daughter was asked by her teacher what talents her mummy had. She replied “She's good at farting….and drinking wine” – Zoe Forbes. BRUTAL.
  13. “‘Mummy, can you wipe my bum? I'm holding a hamster.'” – Kate Ballard
  14. “‘Grandad, can I sit on your willy?’… said by my then 3yr old daughter to my Dad. Cue lots of coughing and rapid changing of the subject…” – Fiona Gambie. Oh goodness.
  15. And I'll leave you with this gem from my own 3 year old. We were in a very busy public loo and I'd taken her in the cubicle with me. It was my time of the month so I had a sanitary towel. She started laughing hysterically whilst shrieking “Mummy! You are wearing a nappy! You are a baby!”.

Sally Bunkham is the founder of Mum's Back, providers of new mum gift sets and hamper gifts for mums. £1 from every hamper sold goes to PANDAS Foundation.